Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home, a sentiment that I hold near and dear to my heart.  To me it doesn't really matter where I call home as long as I have those that I love close by.  For eleven years I called Portland, OR home.  To me it really was home.  It was my own place.  I found it on my own, got a job there on my own and moved there only really knowing a handful of people.  It's where I became a mother, and raised my daughter for the first part of her life.  I made more friends and enjoyed my time there, but like many good things in life it came to an end.  It was gradual, but I knew in my heart it wasn't where God wanted me to be.

When change comes into my life I can feel it deep down.  It stirs my soul and then the "small still voice" that speaks in quiet whispers begins to work it's blessings, and I find myself moving in a different direction.  That's how it was when I moved to Portland, and that's how it was at the end of last year when I set out on my spiritual journey that changed my life forever.

Home these days and hopefully forever, is in a quiet little town across the sound from Seattle.  It's not a big place, or a bustling place.  It's small and quiet.  The people are friendly and the pace is easier.  It reminds me a lot of Lewes, the town I grew up in on the Delaware coast.  Ferries steam toward the hustle and bustle of Seattle.  The tide comes and goes.   There's not a Starbucks on every corner, but I know where the three in town are.  There's a Walmart and three large grocery stores.  I found the fabulous yarn store and have been in there once or twice getting stocked up for the wet winter ahead.  I have a library card and I'm learning who is who in the bank.

When I think about what makes home what it is, it isn't what I have, it's who I have in my life.  I have been richly blessed both in Portland and here, in our new home.  I'm doing my best to stay in touch with our Portland friends, while making new friends here.  We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives.  Home is sweet here, and growing sweeter all the time.  To those of you who have welcomed us and taken us in and loved us unconditionally, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  May our life here be continually sweet with those that we love and who love us back!

The Riddle

My daughter Kaysie and her friends love riddles, and I do too.  They've been trying to stump me for about a week now, and secretly, they are ones I've heard before, and some I was just able to figure them out.  (A man was standing in a room that was mushy, what kind of room was it?  Really...do I have to answer that one?  A mushroom of course :-)  They've gotten harder and harder, but still I prevail).  Then the other day at work I stumbled across a song on Pandora.  One I've heard before, but as I sometimes do, I didn't really listen to the lyrics until the other day.  I pulled up the lyrics and  as the song played I read and hummed a long.  By the end of the song I was in tears.  It was all about "why are we here?"  Life's greatest riddle.

Would I be able to figure this one out?  I'm not certain, but I have a good idea.  I think the answer is we are here to love each other.  We are only given a certain amount of time to live our lives and we have to make the most of each and every day.  We need to cherish those who are in our lives, no matter if they are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime, and the contributions they make to us and us to them.  I'm going through that a little bit right now.  It's hard to think that my time in Portland is just about done, and I'm striking out one more time.  There are some people who came into my life while I lived here that were for a reason.  They helped me get some things accomplished and then they were gone.  There were some that came to me for a "season" and that season is just about done. The lifetime people are really special.  My daughter Kaysie came to me while I lived here.  She is the reason I get out of bed everyday and why we are transitioning to something a  little different.  I love her with every fiber of my being.  Even though, I didn't give birth to her, she is my daughter.  "I love her free" as they lyrics of the song goes.  I treasure each of the people that have passed through my life while I lived here, and I will look upon my time here with many happy memories.

I'm looking forward to the changes that lie ahead of us.  The adventure of it all, and how our lives will change.  I'm also really looking forward to meeting new people and having the time and means to give back in a really tangible way.  I'll get to "love on" my new community in ways I never could here, and that to me is a really good thing.  Life will definitely have a different pace.  I'm hoping I will discover how to live a more meaningful life and maybe get to figure out the answer of life's riddle for myself.

I'm going to let the lyrics from the last verse of the song speak for themselves.  This is the real answer to the ultimate riddle.  Well sung John!

I guess we're big and I guess we're small,

If you think about it man you know we got it all!

Because we're all we've got on this bouncing ball, 

Now I love you free! I love you free now!

Here's a riddle for you now find the answer,

There's a reason for the world...

You and I.

                                       ~John Ondrasik
                                               Five for Fighting

Amazing Grace

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound 

that saved a wretch like me! 

I once was lost, but now am found; 

was blind, but now I see. 

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, 

and grace my fears relieved; 

how precious did that grace appear 

the hour I first believed. 

Through many dangers, toils, and snares, 

I have already come; 

'tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, 

and grace will lead me home. 

The Lord has promised good to me, 

his word my hope secures; 

he will my shield and portion be, 

as long as life endures. 

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, 

and mortal life shall cease, 

I shall possess, within the veil, 

a life of joy and peace. 

When we've been there ten thousand years, 

bright shining as the sun, 

we've no less days to sing God's praise 

than when we first begun. 

                                                                          ~John Newton

Amazing Grace one of the most recognized hymns in the English language.  I was thinking about it last night and how it pertains to my life these days. How when I began my "journey of faith and a better life" that I was blind to what had always been right there with me, and that when I dared to be open to the Lord and His plan for my life, the blindness was no more, and I could truly "see" how I needed to change for the better in order to live that plan.

 When it was written 233 years ago it's author was in trouble, big trouble.  At the time he was involved in the slave trade and was at sea when a terrible storm threatened his ship.  He prayed his way through the storm and even though he was brought up without God in his life, he decided right then and there that he would dedicate his life to the Lord.  He made good on his word.  He gave up the slave trade and became a clergyman.  Throughout his career he penned other hymns in addition to this one, which by the way was written to illustrate a sermon on New Year's Day.  What a great message for the new year!  

I've always loved this song.  The words have inspired me throughout my life and when I read them  I can see different parts of my life clearly.  They just fit.  There have been so many times in my life that I've felt lost and fearful, and yes, at times wretched.  We've all done things that we're not proud of, and I am no exception there.  The good news is, that I believe in a forgiving and loving God, and His Grace and Mercy have helped me get through those rough patches and times where I failed, miserably.  The even better news is that I know when this life is done, I will get to live a life of joy and peace in His kingdom with those that I love that have gone before me.

The tune for Amazing Grace was composed by a man named William Walker previously called "New Britian."  When he put the words with the tune,  it worked beautifully and is what we now know as Amazing Grace.  The two gentlemen who made this song what it is today never met.  John Newton died many years before William Walker was ever born, but yet they came together in the most beautiful of ways.  Walker had a fondness for Newton's words and found the perfect tune that would endure this song to millions and millions of people.

On my back porch hangs a wind chime that when the wind blows just right you can hear the first six notes of this beloved tune.  When I hear those few notes it's a reminder that we all  can be redeemed by the Grace of a very loving and forgiving God, no matter what the circumstances.  All we have to do is be willing to ask and it will be given to us, and that to me is truly amazing!  Peace.

Ten Years

I have lived in my apartment for ten years.  That's a long time.  When we moved here Kaysie was just about to turn two.  This is the only home she's ever known and when we had been here a while the economy went south and we had no other choice but to stay, so we did.  It fit our needs, the school where Kaysie went was good and we had a swimming pool.  We rode it all out - right here in this little two bedroom flat on the corner.  Kaysie had her sandbox out on our back porch.  We brought sand back for it from Long Beach, WA and Gerheart, OR.  Many happy hours were spent making sand castles and cakes.  We've grown tomatoes on that porch every summer except this year (I broke the plants :-(  ).

Now that I've begun packing in earnest I am beginning to realize what ten years really looks like in terms of accumulation of "stuff."  I no sooner get a box of things packed, that I realize how much more there really is!  It's discouraging and a little overwhelming, but then when I look at what is before me, a memory is triggered and it all comes back to me.  Most of our memories here are very happy ones.  The time when she was small was such a sweet and tender time.  It's going to be hard to leave because this has been our home.  When you are a kid, you always remember the place where you started out.  I can still remember what my bedroom looked like in our first house.  The built in shelves and drawers where I kept my books, dolls and toys.  My little tiny closet where my clothes were kept and the dresser that my mom bought at a garage sale and fixed up for me.  I even remember how that house smelled.  Every now and then I smell a similar smell and I'm instantly taken back to 109 Beebe Ave.  I hope Kaysie remembers this little apartment as a happy place, as I remembered my childhood home.

In ten years time we have accumulated a lot of stuff.  Some things should have been long gone, but for whatever reason we've held on to them.  Kaysie started on her closet today.  She protested at first, but ended up having fun seeing all her old treasures.  She threw lots of things out, and blessed others with some things, and kept a very few special things.  I found things today that I didn't even realize I had.  I decided to give most of it to Goodwill.  I had no idea I had an electric can opener and an electric knife.  Crazy things, that clearly I've hauled across country and never used, so I guess I really didn't need them after all.  Tonight I packed up pictures.  Artwork and photographs carefully wrapped in tissue paper and placed in boxes bound for a storage space until we buy our home.  Some things are coming to our temporary home - so that it feels like home.  It's starting to be real that we are leaving and starting fresh.  The walls are just about bare.  Things are changing.  For the better.

The Next Chapter

It's funny how the chapters of our life change sometimes without us even realizing it.  When I think back over the last year or so I can count several chapters in my life turning like the pages of a book.  Today another chapter is drawing to a close and the next one is just a few "pages" or in this case weeks weeks away.  If you had asked me last June where I would be in a year I never would have guessed that I would be packing up and leaving Portland, someplace very near and dear to my heart.  It was in Portland that I "grew up" into true adult hood.  I was almost 40 and still did not consider myself fully an adult, even though I really was.  It was in Portland that I became a mother,  and learned all about what that meant.  It was in Portland that my career took off, and finally, and most profoundly, it was in Portland that I began a true journey of faith and understanding in the One who created us all.  It was on a runway at the Portland Airport, just about to take off and  paralyzed with fear, that I prayed and asked God to help me not to be afraid, not just of flying, but of living my life in the best possible way.  The incredible sense of peace I felt at that very minute was like the softest of blankets, keeping me safe and warm, and that fear was instantly gone and I knew that my life had changed profoundly.

Months later as I sit here at my computer, I can still remember what that was like.  I have learned what having faith and stepping out in that faith really means.  It means (and I am paraphrasing here)"that if God doesn't put solid ground under your feet, he will make sure you know how to fly."  I know that isn't the exact quote and I've heard it several different ways from more than one person.  It's exciting to me to be able to take all that I have gathered over the last months and put it into action.  I know that this big change is going to be an incredible experience and opportunity for both Kaysie and myself.  Today it was made official.  The Portland chapter of my life's journey is drawing to a close.  We have lived here for 11 years, and now it's time to move and put down roots.  These will not be shallow roots, these roots will be deep.  I am investing in the community by giving flu shots at Walmart this fall, and participating in some volunteer activities with Point Hope.  I will be living amongst people I have included in my "Life Tribe" and begun to think of as part of my family.  We will be buying a home later this fall.  It was all part of The Plan.  

The chapters of my life have changed and continue to change.  Change is what propels us forward in this life.  What I know to be true is that what lies ahead, is going to be wonderful.  I feel it deep in my heart.  I can look back on my time here and see all that has been accomplished.  I thought about all the "Baby Nurses" that work in the operating room at Good Sam that I helped train.  I am so proud of each and every one.  They have grown into leaders and true professionals, and I am honored to call them colleagues. I was supposed to be here and I am leaving a mark that will hopefully last a while.  To all of my friends, this isn't good bye.  This is just see you soon.  I expect we will be back to visit and have a bacon maple bar or two, and I am sure some of you will visit us in our new home, as we turn the pages of this chapter. Peace.

Run to Catch the Rain

I went for a run today in the middle of the day.  I don't usually do that.  I'm fond of running in the early hours of a brand new day.  Often greeting the sun as it peeks over the horizon, as I'm running up some ghastly hill or another.  In the summer time, it's the best time because it's cool outside.  Today I decided to step out of that box and do something different.  I'm running in a race for a great cause at the end of this month, and I'll address that in a minute.  I wanted to get used to the warmer temperatures because my race is in California, and it's a tad warmer there than here in the Northwest.

Today, even though it was warmer than I'm used to, it felt good to run.  Running to me has always felt very free.  It doesn't take a lot of equipment although I'm usually all tricked out, with my shoes that talk to my wrist band, and tells it how far I've run, how many calories I've burned and what my average pace is (today it was 11:31- not bad for this old gal), and of course my trusty iPhone in case I should keel over mid run, at least who ever might find me would know it was me since all of my id and info is in my phone.  I admit it, my name is Wendi and I'm a gadget-a-holic...back to the subject at hand.  Running for me has always been time for me to collect my thoughts, go over schedules, talk to God or whatever.  Today I thought about who and what I was running this race for.

I decided when I started my "journey" back in October, everything I did I was going to do for a reason.  Running is no exception.  My friend Eric, who has a blog about volunteering and giving back discovered an app for donating miles to charity.  He's running for the Michael J. Fox Foundation to find a cure for Parkinson's disease.  My mission is a little more basic.  While on my run I carried a bottle of clean cold water to drink.  It's something that most of us take for granted.  Clean drinking water.  The race that I'm running in at the end of this month is a charity race.  It's one man's attempt to making life better for some vulnerable people in Ghana, West Africa by helping them to build a rainwater catchment system so they can collect rainwater for drinking and watering crops. Without clean water, children and adults become sick, they can't grow crops and be self sufficient.  It seems so easy.  It rains in Africa.  It rains really hard.  Imagine being able to collect that rain and use it for good!  The race is called "Run to Catch the Rain" and it benefits Point Hope and their mission of providing a better life for the orphans and other vulnerable people in Ghana West Africa.  They are building a self sustaining village and they need a rainwater catchment system for drinking water and for watering their crops on the village farm.  How cool is that?  We are so lucky in this country.  We have all the water we need.

My team for the race is Sammy's Striders in honor of my friend Delilah's son Sammy.  Sammy was an incredible young man and you can read more about him and the mission of Point Hope and Run to Catch the Rain and how you can make a difference in the lives of those who desperately need our help.  Click on the link PointHope.org and help me help them make a difference!  Peace.

Our Life in Paradox

I came across something in my facebook feed the other day and I have been thinking about it ever since.  It was a piece written by the Dalai Lama about all the paradoxes that we live under these days.   His statement read:

"We have bigger houses but smaller families; We have more conveniences but less time; We have more degrees but less sense; We have more knowledge but less judgement; we have more medicines but less healthiness; We have been all the way to the moon and back but we have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbors; We build more computers to hold more information but we have less communication; We have become long on quantity but short on quality; These are times of fast food but slow digestion; Tall man but short character; We have steep profits but shallow relationships; It's a time when there is much in the window but nothing in the room."


I have thought a lot about this for the last couple of days.  I've read it over about ten times.  Each time I came to the same conclusion,  how did this happen?  How did we, as a society, get to this point?  Where did we lose our way and how can we back track to make it right?  The short answer, I think, might be one idea at a time.  Take the first statement "We have bigger houses but smaller families."  Where the Dalai Lama comes from multiple generations live under one roof.  Grandparents, parents and children all in one house.  If you have lots of children then you might need a bigger home, but why does a small family need nearly a palatial home?  I'm looking for a house right now, and I had to think about what I wanted vs. what I actually needed.  What I found was that I needed a lot less house than I wanted.  What I settled on was a little more than what I needed  and a little less than what I wanted.  I met my needs in the middle.  

I think what many of these statements boil down to is greed.  We have become a culture of wanters and takers.  We want it, we take it, right now.  Instant gratification has become the norm.  It used to be you saved up for things, but now you just plunk down the credit card and it's yours.  Sometimes people use their friends this way too and that is the saddest thing to me.  They take, take, take, never offering to return or pay forward the kindness.  It makes people resentful and less likely to want to help each other.  I saw that first hand at my job a few years ago.  We were having to take a lot of on call time, and we were working a lot of it.  At the end of a long stretch we were tired and crabby and then you had your week night of on call.  Some people tried to give their on call time away or asked others to help them out.  There were a few people who would help, but then when they were tired or needed a break they couldn't get the people that they had helped out to return the favor.  What happened in that case was that EVERYBODY ended up tired and crabby and essentially they turned on each other.  It was awful.   Nobody won.  No culture or society can survive that way for very long.

After reading of these paradoxes of our time I have decided to revisit the story of the little boy on the beach with the starfish.  Remember that story?  The beach was FULL of starfishes and the tide had not yet turned.  The sun was warming up the beach and killing the starfish.  A little boy was picking them up, running out to the water and throwing them back in so they wouldn't die.  A man walking along the shore told him, "Son you can't save them all."  to which the little boy replied star fish in hand, "Maybe not, but I just saved this one." as he threw it in the water, he picked up another star fish, "and this one..." he kept on showing the man what his intentions were.  No he didn't save them all, but he was doing his level best one star fish at a time.   That's how I intend to "right" a few paradoxes of my life, one starfish at a time.