A few weeks ago I changed my status on Facebook. That prompted all kinds of comments. I answered everyone with much the same answer. "Thanks for your good wishes. I'm a lucky girl in that someone I dated previously has walked back into my life again, and after many conversations, private messages on facebook and texts we've decided to give 'us' another try." Yes indeed, so far so good, however there are some things that are different this time. For one thing we both have traveled very different paths. I traveled the path of a single parent, and I have to say, that although I've made some mistakes, I think I have it down now. I'm a much happier and "settled" person than I was when we dated before. I've figured a few things out and I've got a better outlook on life. He has traveled the path of the married man and new dad again. He has a daughter that is grown and just graduated from college. He and his former wife adopted two babies while they were married and the girls are 3 and 5 years old. Basically, he started from scratch. His dad wasn't around much when he was growing up and he wants to do a better job than his dad. He is a devoted father to his little girls and I'm happy for him. When I sat down and thought about what all that meant it did send up a giant red flag. When my daughter graduates from high school his girls will be in the 6th and 4th grade. That was a daunting thought. In fact, it scared me. Two girls going through all that middle school and high school bring all over again. At that point in my life I'll be 54. Retirement will be on the horizon for me. Now comes the cool part.
The women in my family, God love them, tend to be a little controlling. They try to change and manipulate things that are pretty much impossible to change. In the end it makes them miserable sometimes. So, being the "outlier" anyway, I decided that maybe it was time to travel a different road. I like this guy a lot. We never got to really find out how things would have turned out, and honestly I think we probably should have tried a little harder. But what I've decided is that we weren't ready for each other. Now we are and there is lots to consider. Can I change the circumstances that lay before us in our relationship? Nope. Can I change the fact that he wants to do the right thing and be a stand up guy to his children? Why would I want to? Can I change the way I perceive the circumstances and maybe ride the wave to see what happens? You are darned right I can and I'm going to. What I did think about and decide was that his former wife has the girls 85% of the time. He has them 15% of the time. Is that time worth our relationship? I don't think it is. If all this works out and he and I decide to take the next step at some point, what ever that step may be, I want him to continue to be a stand up guy and do the right thing for his kids. It will give my daughter and I a chance to do some special mother/daughter stuff. We have a strong and deep relationship she and I, and we have talked about this at length.
At my age it's highly unlikely that I would meet a man that doesn't have children. That's kind of how it works these days. Your kids are either little or all grown up. It doesn't mean that you sacrifice your relationship because there are children involved. It just means that our life together will be a crazy adventure that we get to go on together. It will keep us young, and active and out of "Shady Acres." Just when we think we are done with kids the grandchildren will start to arrive, and I can tell you right now, I'm going to be one awesome grandmother. Just like at the beach the waves just keep on coming. Might as well grab a surf board and ride a few!
No comments:
Post a Comment