Home Sweet Home

Home Sweet Home, a sentiment that I hold near and dear to my heart.  To me it doesn't really matter where I call home as long as I have those that I love close by.  For eleven years I called Portland, OR home.  To me it really was home.  It was my own place.  I found it on my own, got a job there on my own and moved there only really knowing a handful of people.  It's where I became a mother, and raised my daughter for the first part of her life.  I made more friends and enjoyed my time there, but like many good things in life it came to an end.  It was gradual, but I knew in my heart it wasn't where God wanted me to be.

When change comes into my life I can feel it deep down.  It stirs my soul and then the "small still voice" that speaks in quiet whispers begins to work it's blessings, and I find myself moving in a different direction.  That's how it was when I moved to Portland, and that's how it was at the end of last year when I set out on my spiritual journey that changed my life forever.

Home these days and hopefully forever, is in a quiet little town across the sound from Seattle.  It's not a big place, or a bustling place.  It's small and quiet.  The people are friendly and the pace is easier.  It reminds me a lot of Lewes, the town I grew up in on the Delaware coast.  Ferries steam toward the hustle and bustle of Seattle.  The tide comes and goes.   There's not a Starbucks on every corner, but I know where the three in town are.  There's a Walmart and three large grocery stores.  I found the fabulous yarn store and have been in there once or twice getting stocked up for the wet winter ahead.  I have a library card and I'm learning who is who in the bank.

When I think about what makes home what it is, it isn't what I have, it's who I have in my life.  I have been richly blessed both in Portland and here, in our new home.  I'm doing my best to stay in touch with our Portland friends, while making new friends here.  We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives.  Home is sweet here, and growing sweeter all the time.  To those of you who have welcomed us and taken us in and loved us unconditionally, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  May our life here be continually sweet with those that we love and who love us back!

The Riddle

My daughter Kaysie and her friends love riddles, and I do too.  They've been trying to stump me for about a week now, and secretly, they are ones I've heard before, and some I was just able to figure them out.  (A man was standing in a room that was mushy, what kind of room was it?  Really...do I have to answer that one?  A mushroom of course :-)  They've gotten harder and harder, but still I prevail).  Then the other day at work I stumbled across a song on Pandora.  One I've heard before, but as I sometimes do, I didn't really listen to the lyrics until the other day.  I pulled up the lyrics and  as the song played I read and hummed a long.  By the end of the song I was in tears.  It was all about "why are we here?"  Life's greatest riddle.

Would I be able to figure this one out?  I'm not certain, but I have a good idea.  I think the answer is we are here to love each other.  We are only given a certain amount of time to live our lives and we have to make the most of each and every day.  We need to cherish those who are in our lives, no matter if they are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime, and the contributions they make to us and us to them.  I'm going through that a little bit right now.  It's hard to think that my time in Portland is just about done, and I'm striking out one more time.  There are some people who came into my life while I lived here that were for a reason.  They helped me get some things accomplished and then they were gone.  There were some that came to me for a "season" and that season is just about done. The lifetime people are really special.  My daughter Kaysie came to me while I lived here.  She is the reason I get out of bed everyday and why we are transitioning to something a  little different.  I love her with every fiber of my being.  Even though, I didn't give birth to her, she is my daughter.  "I love her free" as they lyrics of the song goes.  I treasure each of the people that have passed through my life while I lived here, and I will look upon my time here with many happy memories.

I'm looking forward to the changes that lie ahead of us.  The adventure of it all, and how our lives will change.  I'm also really looking forward to meeting new people and having the time and means to give back in a really tangible way.  I'll get to "love on" my new community in ways I never could here, and that to me is a really good thing.  Life will definitely have a different pace.  I'm hoping I will discover how to live a more meaningful life and maybe get to figure out the answer of life's riddle for myself.

I'm going to let the lyrics from the last verse of the song speak for themselves.  This is the real answer to the ultimate riddle.  Well sung John!

I guess we're big and I guess we're small,

If you think about it man you know we got it all!

Because we're all we've got on this bouncing ball, 

Now I love you free! I love you free now!

Here's a riddle for you now find the answer,

There's a reason for the world...

You and I.

                                       ~John Ondrasik
                                               Five for Fighting

Amazing Grace

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound 

that saved a wretch like me! 

I once was lost, but now am found; 

was blind, but now I see. 

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, 

and grace my fears relieved; 

how precious did that grace appear 

the hour I first believed. 

Through many dangers, toils, and snares, 

I have already come; 

'tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, 

and grace will lead me home. 

The Lord has promised good to me, 

his word my hope secures; 

he will my shield and portion be, 

as long as life endures. 

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, 

and mortal life shall cease, 

I shall possess, within the veil, 

a life of joy and peace. 

When we've been there ten thousand years, 

bright shining as the sun, 

we've no less days to sing God's praise 

than when we first begun. 

                                                                          ~John Newton

Amazing Grace one of the most recognized hymns in the English language.  I was thinking about it last night and how it pertains to my life these days. How when I began my "journey of faith and a better life" that I was blind to what had always been right there with me, and that when I dared to be open to the Lord and His plan for my life, the blindness was no more, and I could truly "see" how I needed to change for the better in order to live that plan.

 When it was written 233 years ago it's author was in trouble, big trouble.  At the time he was involved in the slave trade and was at sea when a terrible storm threatened his ship.  He prayed his way through the storm and even though he was brought up without God in his life, he decided right then and there that he would dedicate his life to the Lord.  He made good on his word.  He gave up the slave trade and became a clergyman.  Throughout his career he penned other hymns in addition to this one, which by the way was written to illustrate a sermon on New Year's Day.  What a great message for the new year!  

I've always loved this song.  The words have inspired me throughout my life and when I read them  I can see different parts of my life clearly.  They just fit.  There have been so many times in my life that I've felt lost and fearful, and yes, at times wretched.  We've all done things that we're not proud of, and I am no exception there.  The good news is, that I believe in a forgiving and loving God, and His Grace and Mercy have helped me get through those rough patches and times where I failed, miserably.  The even better news is that I know when this life is done, I will get to live a life of joy and peace in His kingdom with those that I love that have gone before me.

The tune for Amazing Grace was composed by a man named William Walker previously called "New Britian."  When he put the words with the tune,  it worked beautifully and is what we now know as Amazing Grace.  The two gentlemen who made this song what it is today never met.  John Newton died many years before William Walker was ever born, but yet they came together in the most beautiful of ways.  Walker had a fondness for Newton's words and found the perfect tune that would endure this song to millions and millions of people.

On my back porch hangs a wind chime that when the wind blows just right you can hear the first six notes of this beloved tune.  When I hear those few notes it's a reminder that we all  can be redeemed by the Grace of a very loving and forgiving God, no matter what the circumstances.  All we have to do is be willing to ask and it will be given to us, and that to me is truly amazing!  Peace.

Ten Years

I have lived in my apartment for ten years.  That's a long time.  When we moved here Kaysie was just about to turn two.  This is the only home she's ever known and when we had been here a while the economy went south and we had no other choice but to stay, so we did.  It fit our needs, the school where Kaysie went was good and we had a swimming pool.  We rode it all out - right here in this little two bedroom flat on the corner.  Kaysie had her sandbox out on our back porch.  We brought sand back for it from Long Beach, WA and Gerheart, OR.  Many happy hours were spent making sand castles and cakes.  We've grown tomatoes on that porch every summer except this year (I broke the plants :-(  ).

Now that I've begun packing in earnest I am beginning to realize what ten years really looks like in terms of accumulation of "stuff."  I no sooner get a box of things packed, that I realize how much more there really is!  It's discouraging and a little overwhelming, but then when I look at what is before me, a memory is triggered and it all comes back to me.  Most of our memories here are very happy ones.  The time when she was small was such a sweet and tender time.  It's going to be hard to leave because this has been our home.  When you are a kid, you always remember the place where you started out.  I can still remember what my bedroom looked like in our first house.  The built in shelves and drawers where I kept my books, dolls and toys.  My little tiny closet where my clothes were kept and the dresser that my mom bought at a garage sale and fixed up for me.  I even remember how that house smelled.  Every now and then I smell a similar smell and I'm instantly taken back to 109 Beebe Ave.  I hope Kaysie remembers this little apartment as a happy place, as I remembered my childhood home.

In ten years time we have accumulated a lot of stuff.  Some things should have been long gone, but for whatever reason we've held on to them.  Kaysie started on her closet today.  She protested at first, but ended up having fun seeing all her old treasures.  She threw lots of things out, and blessed others with some things, and kept a very few special things.  I found things today that I didn't even realize I had.  I decided to give most of it to Goodwill.  I had no idea I had an electric can opener and an electric knife.  Crazy things, that clearly I've hauled across country and never used, so I guess I really didn't need them after all.  Tonight I packed up pictures.  Artwork and photographs carefully wrapped in tissue paper and placed in boxes bound for a storage space until we buy our home.  Some things are coming to our temporary home - so that it feels like home.  It's starting to be real that we are leaving and starting fresh.  The walls are just about bare.  Things are changing.  For the better.

The Next Chapter

It's funny how the chapters of our life change sometimes without us even realizing it.  When I think back over the last year or so I can count several chapters in my life turning like the pages of a book.  Today another chapter is drawing to a close and the next one is just a few "pages" or in this case weeks weeks away.  If you had asked me last June where I would be in a year I never would have guessed that I would be packing up and leaving Portland, someplace very near and dear to my heart.  It was in Portland that I "grew up" into true adult hood.  I was almost 40 and still did not consider myself fully an adult, even though I really was.  It was in Portland that I became a mother,  and learned all about what that meant.  It was in Portland that my career took off, and finally, and most profoundly, it was in Portland that I began a true journey of faith and understanding in the One who created us all.  It was on a runway at the Portland Airport, just about to take off and  paralyzed with fear, that I prayed and asked God to help me not to be afraid, not just of flying, but of living my life in the best possible way.  The incredible sense of peace I felt at that very minute was like the softest of blankets, keeping me safe and warm, and that fear was instantly gone and I knew that my life had changed profoundly.

Months later as I sit here at my computer, I can still remember what that was like.  I have learned what having faith and stepping out in that faith really means.  It means (and I am paraphrasing here)"that if God doesn't put solid ground under your feet, he will make sure you know how to fly."  I know that isn't the exact quote and I've heard it several different ways from more than one person.  It's exciting to me to be able to take all that I have gathered over the last months and put it into action.  I know that this big change is going to be an incredible experience and opportunity for both Kaysie and myself.  Today it was made official.  The Portland chapter of my life's journey is drawing to a close.  We have lived here for 11 years, and now it's time to move and put down roots.  These will not be shallow roots, these roots will be deep.  I am investing in the community by giving flu shots at Walmart this fall, and participating in some volunteer activities with Point Hope.  I will be living amongst people I have included in my "Life Tribe" and begun to think of as part of my family.  We will be buying a home later this fall.  It was all part of The Plan.  

The chapters of my life have changed and continue to change.  Change is what propels us forward in this life.  What I know to be true is that what lies ahead, is going to be wonderful.  I feel it deep in my heart.  I can look back on my time here and see all that has been accomplished.  I thought about all the "Baby Nurses" that work in the operating room at Good Sam that I helped train.  I am so proud of each and every one.  They have grown into leaders and true professionals, and I am honored to call them colleagues. I was supposed to be here and I am leaving a mark that will hopefully last a while.  To all of my friends, this isn't good bye.  This is just see you soon.  I expect we will be back to visit and have a bacon maple bar or two, and I am sure some of you will visit us in our new home, as we turn the pages of this chapter. Peace.

Run to Catch the Rain

I went for a run today in the middle of the day.  I don't usually do that.  I'm fond of running in the early hours of a brand new day.  Often greeting the sun as it peeks over the horizon, as I'm running up some ghastly hill or another.  In the summer time, it's the best time because it's cool outside.  Today I decided to step out of that box and do something different.  I'm running in a race for a great cause at the end of this month, and I'll address that in a minute.  I wanted to get used to the warmer temperatures because my race is in California, and it's a tad warmer there than here in the Northwest.

Today, even though it was warmer than I'm used to, it felt good to run.  Running to me has always felt very free.  It doesn't take a lot of equipment although I'm usually all tricked out, with my shoes that talk to my wrist band, and tells it how far I've run, how many calories I've burned and what my average pace is (today it was 11:31- not bad for this old gal), and of course my trusty iPhone in case I should keel over mid run, at least who ever might find me would know it was me since all of my id and info is in my phone.  I admit it, my name is Wendi and I'm a gadget-a-holic...back to the subject at hand.  Running for me has always been time for me to collect my thoughts, go over schedules, talk to God or whatever.  Today I thought about who and what I was running this race for.

I decided when I started my "journey" back in October, everything I did I was going to do for a reason.  Running is no exception.  My friend Eric, who has a blog about volunteering and giving back discovered an app for donating miles to charity.  He's running for the Michael J. Fox Foundation to find a cure for Parkinson's disease.  My mission is a little more basic.  While on my run I carried a bottle of clean cold water to drink.  It's something that most of us take for granted.  Clean drinking water.  The race that I'm running in at the end of this month is a charity race.  It's one man's attempt to making life better for some vulnerable people in Ghana, West Africa by helping them to build a rainwater catchment system so they can collect rainwater for drinking and watering crops. Without clean water, children and adults become sick, they can't grow crops and be self sufficient.  It seems so easy.  It rains in Africa.  It rains really hard.  Imagine being able to collect that rain and use it for good!  The race is called "Run to Catch the Rain" and it benefits Point Hope and their mission of providing a better life for the orphans and other vulnerable people in Ghana West Africa.  They are building a self sustaining village and they need a rainwater catchment system for drinking water and for watering their crops on the village farm.  How cool is that?  We are so lucky in this country.  We have all the water we need.

My team for the race is Sammy's Striders in honor of my friend Delilah's son Sammy.  Sammy was an incredible young man and you can read more about him and the mission of Point Hope and Run to Catch the Rain and how you can make a difference in the lives of those who desperately need our help.  Click on the link PointHope.org and help me help them make a difference!  Peace.

Our Life in Paradox

I came across something in my facebook feed the other day and I have been thinking about it ever since.  It was a piece written by the Dalai Lama about all the paradoxes that we live under these days.   His statement read:

"We have bigger houses but smaller families; We have more conveniences but less time; We have more degrees but less sense; We have more knowledge but less judgement; we have more medicines but less healthiness; We have been all the way to the moon and back but we have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbors; We build more computers to hold more information but we have less communication; We have become long on quantity but short on quality; These are times of fast food but slow digestion; Tall man but short character; We have steep profits but shallow relationships; It's a time when there is much in the window but nothing in the room."


I have thought a lot about this for the last couple of days.  I've read it over about ten times.  Each time I came to the same conclusion,  how did this happen?  How did we, as a society, get to this point?  Where did we lose our way and how can we back track to make it right?  The short answer, I think, might be one idea at a time.  Take the first statement "We have bigger houses but smaller families."  Where the Dalai Lama comes from multiple generations live under one roof.  Grandparents, parents and children all in one house.  If you have lots of children then you might need a bigger home, but why does a small family need nearly a palatial home?  I'm looking for a house right now, and I had to think about what I wanted vs. what I actually needed.  What I found was that I needed a lot less house than I wanted.  What I settled on was a little more than what I needed  and a little less than what I wanted.  I met my needs in the middle.  

I think what many of these statements boil down to is greed.  We have become a culture of wanters and takers.  We want it, we take it, right now.  Instant gratification has become the norm.  It used to be you saved up for things, but now you just plunk down the credit card and it's yours.  Sometimes people use their friends this way too and that is the saddest thing to me.  They take, take, take, never offering to return or pay forward the kindness.  It makes people resentful and less likely to want to help each other.  I saw that first hand at my job a few years ago.  We were having to take a lot of on call time, and we were working a lot of it.  At the end of a long stretch we were tired and crabby and then you had your week night of on call.  Some people tried to give their on call time away or asked others to help them out.  There were a few people who would help, but then when they were tired or needed a break they couldn't get the people that they had helped out to return the favor.  What happened in that case was that EVERYBODY ended up tired and crabby and essentially they turned on each other.  It was awful.   Nobody won.  No culture or society can survive that way for very long.

After reading of these paradoxes of our time I have decided to revisit the story of the little boy on the beach with the starfish.  Remember that story?  The beach was FULL of starfishes and the tide had not yet turned.  The sun was warming up the beach and killing the starfish.  A little boy was picking them up, running out to the water and throwing them back in so they wouldn't die.  A man walking along the shore told him, "Son you can't save them all."  to which the little boy replied star fish in hand, "Maybe not, but I just saved this one." as he threw it in the water, he picked up another star fish, "and this one..." he kept on showing the man what his intentions were.  No he didn't save them all, but he was doing his level best one star fish at a time.   That's how I intend to "right" a few paradoxes of my life, one starfish at a time.

"A Little Knowledge..."

"A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing in the wrong hands." Anonymous

For the last sixteen years I have worked as a nurse.  Fifteen of those years I spent in the operating room getting a good look at what crazy business humans sometimes have to endure.  Some of it our own doing, most of the time not.  Anyhow, when you work a job like that you are in a constant state of learning.  When I think of all the wild things that have passed through my brain and before my very eyes it's mind boggling.  Most of what you learn gets stored away for later use.  Every now and then it's brought to the forefront of your mind, usually, when someone you love and care about comes to you and says, "this is what's going on with me, what do you think?"  If you've been a nurse as long as I have you hesitate to answer.  You don't want to scare them, but at the same time you are thinking, "Oh no!!  Not that!"

Just yesterday, my darling daughter calls me on the phone and our conversation went something like this:
Kaysie: "Mom, I have pain in my left eye and my vision is blurred."
Me: "When did this start?"
Kaysie: "Well, I had it a little bit before I went to camp.  I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd make me stay home."
Me: (thinking to myself - Oh crap!): "Gee I wish you had told me.  I might have made you go a day later."
Kaysie: "So what do I do now?"
Me: "Go see the eye doctor." thinking all the while - what in the world can my mind conjure up?!
Basically, I went straight home, and found her on the sofa.  Her eye was a little red, but outwardly it looked ok.  My "Nurse Senses" were tingling and I could only think, well if it's been on an off for a week and I'm only hearing about it now, how bad could it be?!  (Oh maybe I didn't want to ask myself that question.)  I called the eye doctor and we got an appointment for today, which was pretty darned quick!  Thank goodness.  I must have sounded a little nervous.

While I was cooking dinner all I could think about was tumors and growths and what not.  I didn't think about the obvious, just the extraordinary.  I didn't want to think about those things, but I couldn't help it.  I prayed and asked God if he would take that worry away.  I also petitioned for prayers from my "family." I guess what I'm getting at is that before my "nursing knowledge" could get the best of me, I had to turn it all over to the one who is bigger than any of it.  Professionally, you can throw anything at me.  I don't panic and I'm not easily flustered.  Over the years I've been up to my armpits in "worst case scenario" moments in the OR, and never batted an eyelash.  But, where my child is concerned, I turn to mush on the inside.  "The Nurse Armor" remains intact on the outside, but sometimes my imagination and all that knowledge gets the best of me on the inside.  Then the "gentle hand" of the one who created us all comes down and the "still small voice" says "Stop it.  I've got everything under control."  Today He certainly did.
A simple case of eye strain.  Nothing a nice pair of glasses and minimal TV couldn't cure.  We dodged a bullet here and I am very thankful.  I am also grateful to all of our "family" who held us up in prayer and with words of love.  That's what got this tough, not quite old, nurse through.  Thank you all.  As for Miss Kaysie, she's back outside - running around being a kid with a summer full of plans!

Changes

 Remember that song by David Bowie "Changes"?  That was a big hit when I was a teenager.
     
                                  "I still don't know what I was waiting for
                                   And my time was running wild
                                  A million dead-end streets
                                 Every time I thought I'd got it made
                                 It seemed the taste was not so sweet..."


How many times in my life have I felt this way?  A lot.  You know things are about to spin you around in a different direction, yet you have your foot to the floor on the brake pedal doing everything you can to stop it, but you can't.  When your foot is on the brakes trying to stop the inevitable you go in the wrong direction, down the "wrong street".  Many times, like the lyrics say it's a dead end, so you have to back up and try again.  Then just when you think it's all good, you figure out that it's still not the right direction.  This has been my experience on more than one occasion.

I knew a while ago that my life was moving in a different direction.  It's exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time.  This time I decided rather than resist the change I would go with it, see where the road was going, listen to that "still small voice" and see what  God had in store for my life.  I've decided that in this instance it was better to coast along and let God do all the work.  Let Him carry me in the direction I needed to go, and even though it makes me a little uneasy, I know that I'm doing the right thing.  Paths are beginning to become clear and the pieces of this portion of my life's puzzle are beginning to fall into the proper places.  I am not afraid, there is no reason to be, because it's not me who is steering my life at the moment.

I read a wonderful book last fall called Fearless, by Max Lucado.  If you often feel fearful of the pieces of your life that seem out of your control or situations that make you feel anxious then this book will be a wonderful read for you.  I used be fearful of changes, because more often than not, they were not my doing.  I was also afraid of situations that I had no control over, flying for example. Actually, while I was reading that book I came to the realization that when God is in control of your life there is absolutely no reason to be fearful.  So , fast forward to now, changes swirling about me like a huge eddy in a river rapid and I am not afraid.  I can see the calm waters ahead and I know that if I keep paddling I'll get there.

Change is inevitable in all of our lives.  It doesn't have to be scary.  Change is what propels us forward on our journey.  What we need to realize is that God is behind the wheel.  His steering is true, and taking us in the right direction.  It's when we exert our free will and push that break pedal to the floor we get into trouble and head down the dead end street.  For me, I'm turning on the cruise control and enjoying the scenery along the way; it's been a beautiful ride so far.


      

Love

"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude.  Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends..." 1Corinthians 13:4-8

Do you know what it means to love unconditionally?   Love - no strings attached.  The true kind.   When you say to someone "I love you" do you mean it?  Or are there conditions?  I will love you if...; I love you but....; I'll love you more when..... A very good friend of mine said to me just today, "That's not love, that's a bargaining chip."  There are no conditions when it comes to love.  There can't be.  Otherwise,  you will never feel like you live up.  You will be wearing yourself out trying to prove that you are worthy, and that's not right.  Everyone is worthy of love,no matter what, period.  We are fearfully and wonderfully created in God's image and He wants us to love each other, truly deeply and honestly.  No strings attached, because that is how He loves each of us.  Isn't that cool?  I think so.

When my friend says to me "I love you."  I know it is heartfelt and true.  I have no doubts.  It is such an uplifting feeling to know you are loved like that.  It makes me want to be a better person and return that love not only to my friend but to others as well.  I told my friend that I had never experienced that kind of love before and that I was incredibly touched by her thoughtful words and actions.  Truth be told the whole conversation overwhelmed me to the point of tears after I left her today.  She has been incredibly kind to Kaysie and I and I am humbled by the unconditional love she has shown us.

I would like to encourage you, my readers, to think about how you love others and yourself.  Do you place limits or conditions on your love, or do you love deeply, honestly and completely, without constraints?  The next time you say "I love you" to someone, let it come from your heart, fully and honestly.  It will mean so much more to you.  I promise.

Summer

Summer...no word in the English language puts a smile on my face faster than that particular word.  When I was a little girl Summer was magic.  I always played outside, but in the Summer the days were so much longer!  I didn't have to go to bed early and the neighborhood where I lived always had a good game of hide and seek and kick ball going on after dinner.   Summer meant that my mom ALWAYS had popcycles in the freezer and a pitcher of kool-aid at the ready.  She would write the names of the kids who were playing in our yard on dixie cups and we could come to the back door for a kool-aid refill any-time.  

Summer meant daily trips to the beach.  We had a little snack bar that sold cokes, crackers, candy and Italian Ice.  I loved the cheese Lance crackers that were like cheese it's.  The cups that the cokes came in were great for making sand castles.  There were a million shiny rocks on our beach and they made the best decorations for those sand castles.  If I was really good my mom might let me rent a raft for the day, and that was great because it meant I could be in the water ALL THE TIME!  We stayed all day most days.  Mom would pack up a picnic lunch and we would camp out.  Our family sport in the summer was Olympic Beach Sitting. Mom and her friends sat around and talked and played cards and us kids played.  No worries, just fun in the sun.

 

When you got too much sun, mom slathered zinc oxide on your nose, put a t-shirt on you over your bathing suit and you either kept right on going or you sat under the beach umbrella.  Our idea of sunscreen back in those days was Coppertone suntan lotion.  There were no numbers, well maybe there were.  I think the lotion was a "4" or an "8" and the oil was a "2".  Eight was as high as they went.  Oh the smell!!  To me, that is one of the best scents!  Gosh just open a bottle of Coppertone suntan lotion and breathe in the smell of summer!  To this day, that is one of my favorite scents.  Last summer when they announced that those lower SPF's were going away I went to Walgreens and Target and bought all the number 4 I could find.  I figure when that runs out, I'll be too old to care if I wear sunscreen or not.  I sat out the other day sans sunscreen - to a kid that grew up on the beach - I don't much bother with it unless I'm someplace where I might actually get burned.  Oregon is NOT that place, neither is Washington, remember we're famous for our sparkly vampires - need I say more?! I struggle to get a tan every summer.  If I wore 15 SPF I'd look the same as I do in the winter.  Forget that.  I digress....

Back to Summer.... corn on the cob, fresh tomatoes off the vines on my back porch and berries!!  I love, love, love the fresh foods of summer.  We have a berry farm about 15 minutes from our house.  You can pick and eat as many as you want.  We love to go and pick our own.  Then Kaysie and I get busy.  We make jam.  Last summer we made three different kinds, strawberry, raspberry and marrionberry.  I only have 2 jars of marrionberry left.  That's it! As the summer goes on we wait for the cucumbers to get ripe and then we make bread and butter pickles.  Those are so good, savory, and sweet at the same time.  One of my favorite tastes of summer.  I only have one jar of those left.  

The best part of Summer for me when I was a kid was NO SCHOOL!!  Now as an adult, I love watching my own daughter laugh and play.  We stay up late, have fun canning and do craft projects.  We take trips to the beach and the Dairy Queen on Saturday nights.  Life is good in the Summer.  I am ready!

Thanks Dad

Today is Father's Day.  I just got done talking to my dad.  I feel like I don't say "thank you" to him often enough.  So Dad, this post is just for you from me.
      When I was small my dad seemed so tall.  I remember being about 3 or 4 years old and just being fascinated by him.  We lived in a tiny little house that only had one bathroom.  I'd sit on the toilet seat and watch him shave.  It amazed me.  A lot of times he'd reach down and playfully plop a little dab of shaving cream on my nose.  When I was a little older, probably about 8, I was in Brownies. In those days the Brownie uniform had an orange tie that had to be tied.  It was dad who stood behind me and showed me how to tie my tie.  I can say with all honesty that I still know how to tie a tie and have even taught a couple boyfriends how to do the same.
      When I was a teenager we didn't always see eye to eye.  I did things I shouldn't have, like take the Jeep when I wasn't supposed to, or leave my job at his office because it was "an awesome beach day," but he always forgave me and let me have a second chance.  As a single parent of a pre-teen daughter I can see the incredible wisdom in second chances, even third chances.  Thanks Dad.
      As a young adult, I made some pretty stupid mistakes with finances and life choices.  My dad would shake his head and say "what were you thinking?"  Most of the time I didn't have an answer or thought better of answering, usually it was the latter because at the time I hadn't been thinking.  In the end, even when he didn't really want to, he always helped me out and tried his best to guide me to make better decisions.
      When I became a parent 12 years ago, he wanted me to wait.  He wanted me to rethink my decision.  It was a rocky few days.  Looking back on that now, he knew what I would be up against as a single parent.  It wasn't that he didn't want me to do it, he just knew how hard it would be, and still being the father, he wanted me to make sure that I knew what I would be facing.  After all I was living in a new city far from home and family.  When I placed Kaysie in his arms a few weeks later, it was all over.  All the harsh words and things said in anger evaporated and there he was Grand-dad Joe T with his little Kaysie girl.  Another Moore girl for him to love, and he has.
      Now here we are Father's Day 2012.  Thanks Dad.  Thank you for all of your wisdom, worrying and guidance.  Thank you for giving me some great qualities - your easy going nature, ability to roll with whatever is thrown your way, your love of spontaneity, your hearty laugh, your mad golf skills and love for the game, but most of all thank you for your generous loving spirit.  That will be your legacy Dad - through it all you loved me anyway.  I'm a lucky girl, and always a Daddy's Girl.  Happy Father's Day!

The First Good-Bye

Tomorrow is a milestone for my little family.  It will be the first time that I say good-bye to my daughter as I send her off for a week at music camp.  Most mothers I know have done this at least once in the last few years.  This is a first for us.  For the last 11 years my daughter has been right beside me, or at least within earshot of my voice.  Everyday is girl's day at our house and I've enjoyed pretty much, every minute.  What I know to be true is that God blesses us with our children "for a time."  That "for a time" could be anywhere from a few months to years.  If we, as parents, do our job, we teach our children the lessons that He wants them to learn as they grow up, and then one day we say good-bye.  This is the first of many good-byes for Kaysie and I.  I'm happy it's only for a week, but someday that week will stretch into months, when she ventures off to college, and then who knows, when she steps out into her adult life.  We've talked over the last few weeks about "what to do when...", and "how do I handle...".  These conversations, secretly, were mostly for my peace of mind, but I'm hoping that some wisdom got passed along too.

I've got a little case of "the nervous mom" butterflies.  I know that as I drive away tomorrow, I'll be a mess, but I need to just suck it up and do it.  I don't have to like it, but I definitely have to get used to it. It will make those bigger good-byes later on in her life a little easier.  I know in my heart that she'll be fine.  She'll be having one adventure after another next week.  I'll get to talk to her in the evenings, and learn about all the fun she's having.  I'm confident that I've done my job as her mom. She's a nice girl with a good head on her shoulders.  I'm hoping that my sadness at saying good-bye will be short lived.  I want her to get out there and experience life, and to live it to the fullest.  I will hug her and kiss the top of her head, and then I'll say good-bye.  It's only for a week...this time.

A Few of Life's Important Lessons

This week has been a week of lessons for me.  I have learned about patience of a different kind, of the God granted kind.  I should have recited the serenity prayer this week, because yesterday I totally lost mine, and looking back it was totally unnecessary.  You would think that I would know better than that, but being the fallible human that I am, I did not.  Lucky for me I have friends who are more than kind and patient at times like these, and they remind me EXACTLY who is in control, and thankfully it is not me.  If I had been driving a car I would have crashed and burned big time.  My friend told me that  I needed to relax that God was in control.  She was right.  She's right about a lot, let me tell you.  She has wisdom beyond her years!  We chatted and when I went off to bed I felt better.  That was lesson number two (God is in control).  Lesson number one was the day before when I took a bold step for me and submitted an offer on a house that I liked.  It would have been a wonderful place to live, however, that was not God's plan.  Lesson number three was accepting the disappointment of not getting what I wanted (The offer was not accepted).  Are you totally confused?  I hope not. Quick recap: Lesson number one: Step outside of your comfort zone and go for something that you want.  Lesson number two: God is in control; Lesson number three: Accept disappointment gracefully and refer back to Lesson number two.

Ok moving on.  I learned a few years ago that you need to ask for what you want.  So today I submitted my proposal to continue the employment relationship I have at my job from home, of course I mean my new home, wherever that ends up being.  While my boss was receptive she thinks the hospital administrator is going to shoot it down.   I  have decided to refer back to Lesson number two - again.  In fact, Lesson number two (God is in control) is a very important lesson, and that is my point.  We are not in control of our lives, God is.  He has a plan for everyone of us.  It was in place long before we were ever born.  He knew the exact day we would be born and He knows the day that He will call us home.  What we have to figure out is how to let go and let Him do what He needs to do fulfill that plan.  That doesn't mean that we can't have a little input.  As I am discovering everyday - it never hurts to ask for what you want or need.  If you don't ask you might miss out.

Something occurred to me as I left the hair salon this evening and that is I have lots to do in the next few months.  I have lots of loose ends to tie up or at least neaten up.  That would be lesson number four - finish the things that you start to the best of your ability.  It doesn't have to be perfect, it just needs to maybe have a little closure.  Then of course refer again to Lesson number two.

God is in control - the most important lesson in life.  I have decided that the sooner you learn that lesson the happier and more serene you will be.  Peace.

The Sound of Music

Last night I attended Kaysie's final band concert of the year.  All three bands from her school played and then played a song together.  The sixth graders (Kaysie's group) played first.  They are the largest of the three groups and I thought they did a great job.  Their music was well chosen and seemed to be fun for them.  They were in turn followed by the seventh and eighth grade groups.  Each grade level had their own distinctive sound.  While the sixth graders might not have had as much experience they made up for that in enthusiasm.  Sitting there at that concert took me back to my school years playing in the band.  How proud I was at each concert.  Remembering our beloved band director Mr. Bame - a true gentleman, and beloved instructor.  Right up until our high school years.  He followed us all the way through until 12th grade, and then he retired.  We were very lucky.
Kaysie is lucky too.  Her band director, Mrs. Dugger is a gem.  She LOVES her job, and it shows in how well the students were prepared.  They all looked great in their band t-shirts and black pants.  They all handled their instruments with respect and treated her with the same.  The percussion section was given the gift of a special volunteer, Mr. Burleson, who is a percussionist himself and had a lot of fun this year helping the drum-line as well as the percussionists.  The title of the concert was "Celebrations" and indeed it was.
Shortly before the concert wound up, Mrs. Dugger and Mr. Burleson handed out awards to some of the students.  My daughter Kaysie and two of her friends were recipients of a Distinguished Musician Award for 6th grade.  It was a surprise for both of us, and I couldn't be prouder.  Next weekend Kaysie and her friend Tessa (one of the other award recipients) will attend a week long music camp.  I'm thinking that after this year, which ended on a high note (no pun intended), they will be proud ambassadors of their school's music program.
Congratulations to all of the musicians who played in last night's concert.  You all should be very proud of all the hard work and time you devoted to learning and perfecting your instruments and your musical education.  You will one day be sitting in the bleachers as a proud parent and remembering your days playing in band concerts, and I hope you will be as proud of your children as your parents are of you!  Great Job!

Life is a Highway

Life is a highway
I wanna ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I wanna drive it all night long...
                                              Rascal Flatts

I love this song because I think it's true.  Life is a highway, meant to be driven and ridden twists and turns, straight aways, bumps and pot holes.  It's all there.  If you always take the highway and never the surface roads you miss so much.  Straight highways are pretty safe.  No bumps, no twists or turns, and very few pot holes.  However, when you take "the scenic route" you see so much more!  This reminds me of driving on I-5 vs. Highway 101.  I-5 is faster, straighter, probably safer, but Highway 101 - oh my.  You see the ocean, and the coastline, and there are some wicked twists and turns, but the view is worth all those twists and turns.  So is life.

I write on here all the time about the positive side of life.  If I had any sage advice it would be this: take the scenic route.  Doesn't sound like much, but it's how I've decided I'd like to live.  I want the twists and turns, the bumps and the potholes.  I like knowing the straight highway exists, but that's not what I want out of life.  I want to see the scenery, I want to enjoy the view, I want to go to bed every night exhausted from everything I've done and seen.  This is just the next step on my life's journey.  The path that God has chosen for me.  He's placed people in my life who are encouraging and supportive and can't wait to welcome my little family to the next leg of my Highway 101, and some are doing all that long distance, and I love you for it. You know who you are ;-) To those of you who are waiting for us, we're taking the scenic route and we'll be there as soon as we can.  Hopefully before the holidays.

This is going to be a busy summer.  School will be out soon and Kaysie will be off to music camp.  We have a little road trip coming up in July part of which we will absolutely be traveling on the real Highway 101 enjoying that beautiful view.  There will be many trips up and down I-5 this summer as well, as we transition to the next route.  To me it's an exciting time, so "If you're going my way, I wanna drive it all night long!"

The Thanks of a Grateful Nation

When I was younger and living in the Washington, DC area I worked as photographer part time.  I enjoyed the work immensely.  Washington, DC is a unique place to live.  I used to feel so lucky every time I drove from my home in Arlington across the Potomac.  Not many people ever even get the chance to visit our nation's capital, much less the chance to live there.  One of my favorite holidays to work at my photography job was Memorial Day.  There were wreath laying ceremonies at Arlington National Cemetery at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, ceremonies at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial and the Rolling Thunder Rally.  It always made for an interesting weekend.

One of my favorite places to take photographs was at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial.  There were always poignant moments that spoke volumes about all the emotions that surrounded that time in our history.  Those soldiers were shunned and mistreated for so long, but on Memorial Day it was different.  After a few years of photographing as invisibly as I could I made some friends.  I often times got addresses and took great care to make sure that the subjects of my photographs got a copy with a hand written note.  It was my way of saying thank you.  Thank you for standing up for freedom even though it was unpopular at the time.  To this day I have a soft spot in my heart for those brave men and women.

All these years later I still take the time to remember why we are able to speak freely, worship freely and live where ever we choose.  These days I am responsible to teach these lessons to my daughter.  When I was her age we had a parade in my town.  The WWII veterans gave out paper poppies for a small donation.  Someone from the high school read things like the poem "Flanders Fields" and the Gettysburg Address.  It was a day to be proud of our men and women in uniform and those that didn't make it home.

These days, sadly, I think the meaning of the holiday is lost.  We talk of the "kick off " of the summer season, the incredible sales at Macy's and the local car dealership and what we are throwing on the barbque.  While all those things are great,  I would like to just remind the folks who are running from sale to sale and barbequeing that we still have men and women in uniform far from our shores.  Most will make it home to see their loved ones, some, sadly will not.  They will draw their last breath far from home and all that they hold dear in their hearts.  Memorial Day is a time for reflection of all that we hold dear as a nation.  Let's all take a break and attend a ceremony, fly your flag and remember to thank our service men and women.  It's the least we can do!
Cheers!

Marry Me

Portland is a unique and at the same time adorable place.  We have a "style" like no other place I've ever lived.  Well maybe a little like Baltimore - also a unique and adorable place.  Anyhow,  we do things differently here.  Right down to how we might propose to our future wife.  At the end of this entry you will find a link to what I think is the BEST proposal ever.  It helps that I know the father and mother of the boyfriend.  When you watch the video they are the couple at the beginning of the second verse of the song.  This has totally gone viral and made Yahoo!'s front page as well as the news here in Portland.  THAT makes it a big deal - just like Voodoo Donuts.
This is the kind of thing that makes me glad I live here.  We are clever and unique.  We have our own way of doing things, and we're happy about it.  "Portlandia" makes fun of us, but it's ok - we're good sports.  We wouldn't have it any other way.
Congratulations to Issac and Amy.  I wish you both a lifetime of love and happiness together! Cheers!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_v7QrIW0zY&feature=youtu.be

Happy Anniversary - A Toast to the Half Full Glass

Tomorrow, May 25th marks the first Anniversary of my blog.  So with a flute half full of sparkling cider I   raise my glass and say "Cheers"!  (Which is how I ended my blog for the first six months or so.)  It's been a very exciting year.  Through writing my blog I reawakened a desire to write, and write I did.  There were many nights that I sat at my computer and thought "How in the world am I going to put a positive spin on things after the day I've had?" but I did.  It was an exercise in refocusing a negative into a positive and it was good for me.  I think it can be so easy to get so mired down in defeat and negativity, because the world tends to be a little bleak these days.  When I notice that I'm headed down that road now, I think about Anne Frank.  Even in her desperate situation, she always tried to see the good in everyone, even those who were hunting her people down.  Every picture you ever see of her she is smiling.  Amazing.

When I began my blog I was getting ready to leap into the unknown. I was leaving clinical nursing behind for an administrative position.  I loved the operating room, it was, and still is a very big part of who I am.  It satisfied the "gadget girl" in me, and kept my attention deficit disorder in check.  I have new skills for coping with that, but the "gadget girl" remains. A year later new adventures await including a mission trip to Africa to really put some old skills to the test.  I am ready and accept that calling with a willing heart and oh so much excitement!  I never would have thought that just shifting gears in my life would lead to such great things.

I have written about many things and all kinds of people, and have really tried to keep it on the positive side.  There were a couple of blogs that were a little on the sad side, but the subjects just couldn't be spun around.  That's ok.  It can't be all sunshine and roses all the time - ok most of the time, but you have to have a few rainy days to grow a beautiful garden, and the flowers that have sprung from those rainy days not so long ago are just gorgeous.

I have also tried to use my blog as a platform for some of my favorite charities and foundations.  Volunteer work is wonderful for the spirit.  It makes you feel good right down to the core of your being to do something good for other people.  I can't think of a more positive way to make yourself feel better.  I know when I am volunteering and doing things that I know will enrich a child's life or somehow make life better for someone in need, it will put a smile on my face every time.  We are so fortunate in the United States, and we take so much for granted.  It's just good for the soul to do for others every now and then.

Finally, I would like to thank you to the "Fantastic Five."  You know who you are.  My first five followers.  They have been so faithful to me and encouraged me in my little adventure.  I was so excited when I got my first international reader - a very nice lady from Australia.  Your kind words over this year have meant the world to me.  I know I've been a little quiet lately, but that will be changing, because I still have a lot to write about.  Thank you also, to all of my facebook and twitter followers as well.  I love hearing from you.  I'm looking forward to this next year and all that is coming up.  My glass, even after a year, and through many ups and downs, is still half full and I really hope it stays that way!  Cheers!

Happy Mother's Day

     This is one of my favorite weekends of the year - Mother's Day Weekend.  Firstly, let me just shout out to all the mothers out there - Happy Mother's Day!  I honor you and wish you all a very nice Sunday celebration.  We work hard, all of us, keeping body and soul together.  Some of us do double duty (Mom & Dad) for whatever reason, and I know first hand, how hard that can be, but we just march on, uphill most days, until we fall into bed.  That usually happens to me on Sunday.  That is a busy day for me.  Getting everything ready for the coming week.  I try to be done by dinnertime so that I can relax in the evening.  Notice how I said I try.  Usually, there is one more load of laundry to be folded, or lunch to pack, and then there's breakfast to organize so I can get out of the door in a timely manner....before I know it, it's 10:00 and my evening has evaporated.  I know I'm not alone, and you know what? It's ok, because I love being Mom (and Dad).  That's part of the package.
     I have to say that I didn't get to this point in my life without a little help and encouragement.  My grandmother was a single parent after my granddad died.  She was an OR nurse and worked nights.  She got home in time to see my Mom and my aunt off to school.  I think they were high school aged at this point, and able to stay home at night by themselves.  She'd sleep a little while and was there for homework, dinner and bedtime and then off to work again.  My mom was a stay home mom until I was in middle school.  Then she went to nursing school and started working.  When my parents marriage tanked my mom stepped up and did a what a lot of other women in the same situation did...the best they could.  She showed me what it meant to keep swimming, and not to give up.  To deal with the sadness and loss, and just realize that everyday is a new day, a new opportunity to make things right for yourself and your family.
       When I became a mother I had my own set of challenges.  I was new in Portland, my baby's instruction book was written in Chinese with no English translation, 9/11 changed the way we traveled, and I became sick with a life threatening illness.  Whew!  When I was on the "other side" of all of that I was so glad!  The last five years have been amazing.  I don't take anything for granted and I cherish every day with my little family.  A friend of mine always says,  "None of us are promised a tomorrow."  I take that statement to heart every day and make each day count.  I try to live in the present as much as I can. I glance into the immediate future only.  I try to think ahead a little bit, and plan as best I can, but I don't let it get to me if I can help it.  Change is on the horizon for my family.  I know that, and I accept it.  God knows how it's all going to work out, and that's a good thing.  I trust Him completely.  That just leaves me  free to take care of those last few loads of laundry and Sunday dinner - "Mom Work."  I love that.
Happy Mother's Day to all the mother's out there.  I hope your weekend is spent doing what ever your heart desires!