Change and courage, two words that you might not think go together but really they do. Sometimes one cannot happen without the other, but more times than not, courage is an afterthought. I read a quote recently that said, "Courage is just fear that said it's prayers." I love that, and when you think about it, it's true. I think about some of the crazy foolish things I've done in my life, and after it's over I think, what ever possessed me to do that? I am NOT that brave, but somehow, I mustered up the courage and did it anyway, and lucky for me, lived to tell the tale.
The time that comes to my mind is the time I went with some of my colleagues from work and climbed Mt. Hood. I did not summit, but I went as far up as I had the nerve to go. It was a beautiful night, we started at about 3 in the morning under a full moon, and watched the sun come up over that beautiful mountain on the way up. It was just breath taking. Most of the guys on that trip made it to the summit, I took one look at that ice ladder to the top and said, "No way. I'm a single mother of a very young child, and I know getting up there will be no problem, it will be getting down that will do me in, so I sat down with the other woman on the climb and we had a very nice chat on that glorious mountain, and called it good enough." I guess that doesn't really qualify as courage unless you consider the fact that four other people were saying " Oh come on you made it this far... go the rest of the way." So I guess it took some amount of courage to say "No you go ahead."
There are other things, that I would consider taking courage, one would be when I adopted my daughter as a single parent. Now this is definitely a case where courage and change went hand in hand. There were a lot of prayers that were said at the time, and one "hissy fit" that I'm still not very proud of that happened just days before we were to leave for China. The hissy fit I threw at my dad, and I still feel bad about that, but he said some things that didn't make me very happy. It turned on my "Mama Bear" switch and the courage to stand up to him and say, "NO you made a promise to me and you are gonna keep it Buster!" must have come from my toes. I had never spoken to my father like that - ever.
Another incident of courage and change happened about five months before that day. I arrived in Portland on St. Patrick's Day 2001 to begin life a new. I only knew one person, but I had my stuff and a good job, and I just figured it would be ok. It was ok, but not for a long time. Would I change that decision, NOPE. Did it take courage? You betcha. Where did it come from? In a word...fear. Fear that I wouldn't be able to make it as a parent. I had to prove to myself that I could take care of business. I wasn't happy at the time and I needed a change. Things in my life were not going well. At the time it was a no brainer. I didn't have anything really holding me down so I took a chance on a BIG change, and hoped for the best. I said my prayers and got on that plane. My life has never been the same. Courage really is fear that said it's prayers.
Change on the other hand, just means that life is moving in a forward direction. Life is in a constant state of change. We learn early on to either roll with it or fight it. If we chose to fight it, life can be very hard. If we learn to roll with it, things seem to go much smoother. Easier said than done I know, but refer to the first part of this little essay. Our world is changing by the second. I'm not certain I like where things are headed. What I do know is that even though I can't stop it, I know deep down in my heart I have the courage to face whatever is coming. I've faced a mountain and being up high with no safety net, and I've faced parenthood, a new city and a new job all at the same time. The last three brought the most change into my life. I wouldn't give up any of it, and strangely enough would do it all over again.
What has brought change to your life? Did it take courage to face it? Where did that come from? How did you deal with it? What was the result? Would you do it all over again? I like to think that change makes life better. We learn lessons when things go badly, and even when things go well. If you just remember when you are faced with a big change, that courage is just fear that has said it's prayers you will be ok. You can muster some up I'm sure. Be fearful enough to ask your Higher Power for the strength to weather the storm and I'm pretty certain you will be amazed by what happens! Cheers!
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